August 16, 2010

Yet another issue I seem to have is that I tend to attract foreigners. Sometimes it’s men visiting who live outside of the United States. Most of the time it’s men who just live out of state. And then there are the guys I meet from exotic places like Kankakee or Dwight, IL. It’s almost like another country, right? (Who knew Dwight had an annual Bassett Waddle…sign me up!!)

I met a guy who was living in South Bend, IN, which I figured was close enough. He frequented Chicago often, and a date was planned. He suggested getting wine, so we decided to meet for some wine flights at Bin 36. Things started off pretty well, actually!

And by pretty well, I mean REALLY well. On top of getting wine, he suggested getting a cheese flight.

CHEESE flight. A flight of cheese. CHEESE.

I almost fainted, came to and immediately removed my underwear. This guy hit the jackpot!

Conversation was going well, although I picked up on the fact that he clearly had money and very clearly wanted me to know about it. I chalked it up to nerves and just wanting to impress me. Perhaps the girls he usually dated were impressed by this? I am one of the strange people who is not. Hard worker? Passionate? Impressive. Knows how to line dance? Ability to rock a sweat band and knee socks? Also impressive. Makes tons of money to flash in people’s faces? Meh.

After I finished licking the cheese plate and inhaling all the bread crumbs, he suggested we get dinner. I took this as a good sign, as I know how the game is played. Drinks are suggested, but you only get the green light for dinner if you’re really having fun. I was actually quite full from the 5 lbs. of cheese I had just consumed, so I agreed to dinner but suggested something light like sushi.

He suggested a very swanky sushi place nearby. Even though it was within walking distance, he was adamant about driving. At first I thought he was being gentlemanly so I wouldn’t get cold. I soon realized he just wanted me to know he was driving a brand new Mercedes Benz SUV. I was even lucky enough to hear all about this new purchase, including the motor type as well as the fact that he paid cash for it.

I don’t even pay cash when I buy a pack of gum. Literally, I have charged $1.24 before. Seriously, if you have to charge $1.24, can it wait? Do you REALLY need that US Weekly magazine to feed your gossip addiction RIGHT NOW?

So anyway, dinner was delicious. I almost felt like I was in another world. I do not think I had ever been wined and dined in this fashion! (Do I spot a Bassett waddling???)

After dinner, as we walked to the coat check, he noticed his car was parked right out front. He then got really excited about the valet’s placement of his car. He kept repeating (and I quote): “I can’t believe I’m THAT guy. I’m the guy where the valet parks his Benz right out in front.”

I tried not to roll my eyes as he repeated these lines several times. I can’t believe I’m THAT girl who is out with THAT guy who would actually say THOSE words.

Daddy Warbucks was kind enough to offer to drive me home, which was nice considering the winter weather and that his hotel was only a few blocks from dinner while I lived a few miles away. He then proceeded to take a detour to Lakeshore Drive, opting to first drive me by the building he “was going to buy,” outlining the details of the place. He noticed the bathroom lights on in one of the windows, smiled at me and said, “That could be us! That could be us getting ready together for bed!”

All I heard was a record scratching. What you talkin’ ‘bout Willis? I mean, I did remove my underwear during drinks but that’s just because I like cheese – don’t get any ideas!

Next, he swung by an art gallery so he could point out the painting in the window that he was going to purchase for $5,000. Honestly, buddy, I get it, you have a lot of money, you know a lot of people. My ears are bleeding. Please stop.

The timing worked out well for me on this one, as it was right around Christmas. With the holidays, things eventually fizzled out on their own. I still randomly get text messages when he is in town, which I’m sure is out of boredom.

That or Daddy Warbucks wants to return the underwear I left in his brand new Benz.

Dating Rule:
Having money is a good thing! Especially when you work hard to get it. But if you are used to dating women who are impressed by the car you drive, or the job you have, or the things you own…do you really think these women are into YOU? Or just what you can offer them?

I refuse to get all philosophical (I can barely spell it, let alone do it). But any woman who is worth something is not going to be impressed by how much money you spend on a wall adornment.

Now, if you want to spend $5K buying me cheese for life? Well, that’s a different story. Throw in some crackers and/or bread and I think we could definitely work something out!


5 Responses to “DADDY WARBUCKS”

  1. andy Says:

    OMG, I’m about to be really really dorky but I’m from South Bend Indiana too. I started following your blog after it was mentioned by stylenxs on youtube, he’s right you’re hilarious and have one of the best personal blogs I’ve ever read. LOL whenever I need a funny pick me up I reread the short but sweet “the guzzler” story absolute classic! Keep them coming!

    • Thanks Andy! I appreciate the kind words and more importantly, for reading! The best part about dating for me now is that I’m almost hoping for a blog story vs a real connection haha 😉 Thanks again!

  2. Melvin Says:

    hello douche bag was perfectly placed.

  3. marinasleeps Says:

    Lol, thats so funny. Thank god I am not dating anymore. Since having kids, I can eat like 15 yr old boys. Two of them … so if he wined and dined me well … man I might become a slut for a free meal. LOL

  4. Haha I eat like I have a tapeworm myself!

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