September 6, 2010

Disclaimer: Not ALL of my stories will be about actual dates. Thankfully, not all of my dates are horrible. If that were the case, I think I would have to listen to God’s signals and jump on the lesbian train while it’s still “cool.” As that would require me to buy some oversized plaid shirts and cut my long, luscious locks off, I’d prefer to hold off on that option while I can.

Moving on! I’m out at a local drinking establishment with some friends pretending to watch a UFC fight when a man came up to me and pointed at his baby-faced friend. The Pimp tells me it’s his friend’s 21st birthday, and tossed in that he was a virgin. The virgin grinned proudly as he stroked his wisps of upper lip hair. The Pimp then nudged me with his elbow and asked if perhaps I’d like to make Virgin Boys’ birthday “special.” He raised his eyebrows at me knowingly.

Wow. Just the opportunity I was looking for! Taking the virginity of a drunk 21 year old. Not only did I love the inference that I’m some sort of work-for-hire girl, but you know I was just telling my friend here how I was really looking to meet another two-pump chump.

Nothing gets me hotter than two seconds of pure unadulterated jack-rabbiting by some dude who looks young enough to be my son.

Dating Rule:

Do not pimp out your virgin friend to a random woman in a bar. Unlike men, taking a stranger’s virginity is neither a novelty nor is it in any way gratifying.

If I wanted a quickie with a guy who was going to be forever grateful, I’d be more inclined to scour the local nursing home looking for a way and, more importantly, a WILL.


5 Responses to “VIRGIN PIMP”

  1. marinasleeps Says:

    Amen sister! Like if its some sort of contest you won!

  2. Salome Says:

    you should have asked the pimp if he is available 😉

  3. So I started reading about your dates and now I can’t decide whether it makes me feel better about my ridiculous dating history because, you know, I’m not alone, or worse because, well, I’m not alone. Either way, pretty entertaining!

  4. Melvin Says:

    Leigh, that last line was the best!

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