October 18, 2010

One of my good friends who is a teacher not only is beautiful but also the sweetest, nicest person you’ll ever meet. People are constantly trying to set her up with men. Unfortunately, she doesn’t like “dating.”

I mean, I really can’t understand what she is talking about. Who doesn’t love telling the same tired stories over and over? Who doesn’t love being all appropriate, polite and dignified? Who doesn’t love hiding their obsession with small people and facial hair?

Oh. Too soon?

After much persistence by his mother, she finally agreed to be set up with the son of her school’s bus driver. And the bus driver planned the date, time and place. She even went so far to set up a Facebook account for her son, as he was “just too busy.”

As a neurologist, I imagine he is busy. But what 40-year-old man has his mother set up a Facebook account for him?

Red flag! Mayday mayday!

So she had yet to speak or email with Mama’s Boy, but figured she had nothing to lose. They met at a local Italian restaurant. Mama’s Boy was very handsome, fit and, for all intents and purposes, looked surprisingly normal.

Unfortunately, he spent the ENTIRE date talking about medical terminology. My friend basically slept with her eyes open and pretended that she was interested in knowing the chemistry of the human brain. There was a lot of head nodding and hmm hmming.

Although a very successful man, he clearly had some social awkwardness. On the right person, it can be endearing. But if you can get blackout drunk during a conversation – take a shot every time your date says “Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors” – clearly there are some issues with your date’s choice of conversation topics.

The kicker was when the date came to an end, as they were walking to their respective cars, Mama’s Boy (and I quote) said, “Well, my mom has your email, so….”

My friend actually emailed him after the date hoping a gentle nudge would get him to step up to the plate. Mama’s Boy essentially just answered the questions in her email but did not follow up on whether she wanted to go out on another date. What he did do, was talk to his Mom about the situation.

His mom then seemed surprised when she contacted my friend about setting up a second date with her son and was informed by my friend that she was not interested in going out on another date.

Although she had been having some problems sleeping lately. Perhaps they could set up a time to talk for him to tell her a story over the phone?

Insomnia cured!

Dating Rule:

Don’t have your mom plan your dates. Don’t have your mom set up your Facebook account.

If you want to date a grown-ass woman (i.e., hips, boobs and a proclivity for sex with men), then cut the umbilical cord, find your balls and act like a grown-ass man.

Seriously. It’s not that complicated!